Holiday Spam

I don’t know why people dislike those annual emails that promise to share millions of frozen dollars with you if you’ll just send them a few thousand in order to liberate the millions. Where else would you find such unintended poetry as the opening line of a message I got today: “I have a need, which finding solution to it has kept me awake even when I am supposed to be asleep.”

That’s so poignantly universal, don’t you think? Who among us hasn’t experienced that same kind of need? My corresponder, a Mr. Mohamed Ghadaffi from Liberia, went on to say, “I find it even more difficult because I do not know you beyond the much that you are a professtional and a reliable man.”

Well, he lost me there. Mr. Ghadaffi isn’t the first person to send me mail thinking I was a man, but you’d think he would have been more careful about whom he was offering to share Eleven Million dollars U.S. with, not to mention 150,000 kg. of gold dust in a vault in Accra, Ghana. He said the money and the gold dust is in two trunk boxes. Wow, imagine that. Eleven Million Dollars would take up a lot of space, nearly as much as all those millions that Bush shipped off to Iraq on pallets. Maybe if Bush had put the cash in a trunk, it wouldn’t have got misplaced. But I digress.

I’m afraid I’ll be a disappointment to Mr. Ghadaffi, but I fully expect to hear from him again around this time next year. He and his money seem to pop up every year around Christmas. I still love his opening sentence: “I have a need, which finding solution to it has kept me awake even when I am supposed to be asleep.” In spite of myself, I find that rather sweet.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

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